Don't just stand there--DO something!

 

 

 Billy Crystal  candidly articulated what many of us feel when he admired the physically fit, rock-hard body of a fellow actor at an Academy Awards show, and I've never forgotten it.

"I'd do ANYTHING to look like that....well, except eat right and exercise!"

 Now, before you click away thinking this is yet another New Year's Resolution Healthy Tip blog post, hang with me here, because Billy's statement actually resonates with many of us, regardless of the object/goals/dreams or just wishful thinking  we are accustomed to jotting down this time of year.

Osmosis. I wish it were more common that it is--especially regarding growth in many areas of my life. If becoming physically fit with rock-hard abs could happen by osmosis, I'd begin saving my dollars to be the first in line to purchase it!  Wouldn't it be nice to become smarter without having to read or study or take tests? I would also love to become wealthy without really having to work too hard. I'd love to be able to run in a marathon without having to put in those laborious hours of training. I want to become fluent in sign language and Spanish....by osmosis. And yes, become wise  and spiritually sound like King Solomon and have the patience of Job just by wishing for it.

I think many of are wishing our lives away while we never make plan one, or even a feeble attempt to move toward a goal we'd like to meet.

What do you REALLY want?

If you're like me, anything I REALLY want, I will try to get it. And I don't meet try as in "wish" I'd get it, and mean I will plan and make the attempt to have whatever it is in my hands. (Think, Peanut Buster Parfait from the DAIRY QUEEN.  It may be late, I may be tired, but if the mood strikes, and the craving begins, I will get up off the sofa, scrape up some money, get in my car and drive to purchase one.)

Why do so many fail at keeping   resolutions they pledge to keep to start the new year? Or why will many avoid making them at all?  I believe it's because we never plan to move toward our goals. We don't want to invest in the dream. We don't want to train our bodies or minds or spirits. We want these wonderful things to happen to us by osmosis.

So, with that said..what is it that you want?  What do you really want?  Write it down, then write down a few steps that will get you closer to getting what you want.  Then, DON'T JUST STAND THERE, DO SOMETHING!

FOR YOUR BODY

Diet and Exercise 

If you have the desire to be physically fit, obviously, some sort of exercise will be required to achieve that goal. Find a plan that you would enjoy. Some enjoy the gym. Call or local one, and a least visit once and see if it is doable. Others enjoy group classes like ZUMBA or SPINNING or water aerobics. Others prefer walking. Or home exercising with a DVD.....whatever it is, make the first step toward it. Sign up for the class. Purchase new sneakers, or dumbbells, or the DVD....then actually SHOW UP! You will be one step closer to becoming fit!

If eating right is your goal, make out your grocery list that includes many more fruits and vegetables. Don't purchase the sweets or sodas or bags of chips,  or whatever may  be your downfall food. Look up some healthier recipes from healthy food you actually like... make it possible and convenient to stick with healthier eating by actually having healthy food within reach!

FOR YOUR MIND

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to educate yourself. This may include formal/higher education, but also READING and learning about things of interest will enhance your life, makes life more interesting (and you'll be more interesting also). I ask alot of questions. I GOOGLE for many answers, I then may purchase a book to find out more on the subject, or sign up for a class that gives me more knowledge. I love to learn!

The local library houses thousands of free books on every subject imaginable. The Internet has videos you can watch to learn how to do something you've been wanting to learn to do, or if you are an audio/visual learner, on a video on a certain subject matter will benefit you.

Sign up for ONE CLASS at a local community college. One class will allow you more time to focus on the subject and is much more affordable. Most colleges offer online courses for those unable to go to the campus for classes. You may find that you really enjoy the subject and will desire to learn more, or decide to earn a degree in the field of your choice. There is so much more to learn. Don't limit yourself regardless of your age or background.

FOR YOUR SPIRIT

First Things First

Start at the beginning here.  The starting point is at the feet of Jesus.  Come humbly before Him. Be honest about  your situation.  Tell Him your heart's desires. Ask forgiveness of Him and thank Him for the sacrifice He made on your behalf- dying on the cross for your sins and cleansing you from all unrighteousness. Ask for strength. His strength to overcome. Lay your burdens down at his feet. Allow His Holy Spirit to lead, guide and direct you from this day forward.

BIBLE READING

Fist of all, Bible reading is NOT boring or drudgery. We are unlocking answers to the many questions that arise in our life. In addition to the greatest plan of Salvation and eternal life, there is unlimited wisdom to be gleaned for our day to day lives. It draws us closer to our Creator and we listen to hear His voice as we read the words He inspired.

You can start a daily bible plan, like "reading the bible through in a year" , but sometimes that becomes overwhelming for some, and it causes them to quit altogether, Some like to begin the new year by reading a chapter in Proverbs each day (since there are 31 of them).

I like to begin in Matthew, and reread the life and times of Jesus while he walked among us. I like to see how HE acted and reacted to those around him. The believers and unbelievers. You may actually be surprised when you read it in context.


Joining a BIBLE STUDY in a small group is also beneficial. Some are held in the church in Sunday School classes or mid-week services, others are held in the homes. Small group studies are very beneficial as they help to form friendships and bonds and relationships among fellow believers. Something that we will find more important in the upcoming days. We are able to bounce questions/ideas/answers off each other and gain fresh perspectives. It also helps us commit to reading and studying and gives food for thought for our daily lives.  Call a local church to find if there are any you would be interested in attending.

A devotional book is a great way to begin your quest into the Word of God. They are a great way to begin your day and start your "conversation/meditation" with Him. I recommend "JESUS CALLING" and MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, but here are countless good ones. Make a visit to your local Christian bookstore . Ask their opinion as well. If the price is too steep, check out the same book on Amazon.com

CHURCH ATTENDANCE

I cannot tell you the many benefits of finding a local church body to become a part of. In addition to hearing the word of God preached through a spiritual leader  who devotes himself to prayer and reading of the Word and offers an inspired and fresh perspective, the fellowship of believers is so important. There is strength in numbers! Prayer when needed, visitation to hospitals, prisons, clothing rooms, feeding programs, Seniors groups, youth ministries, Bible schools, ,etc., are all a part of this beautiful family of God who meet together frequently to strengthen those ties that bind. To attend as a family, and become a part of a local body will strengthen you as well.  You will learn alot about the Word of God, loving each other as family, and persevering.

A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

The best thing you can do for yourself, is to develop that personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Just as our relationships here on earth require time spent and sacrifice on our part, we must choose to spend time talking to Him, consulting Him on issues and decisions (through prayer and reading His word) in order to strengthen that relationship and become more like Him.  it does NOT happen by osmosis. It is a commitment. And you be be thrilled with the outcome of this commitment. Unlike other things we commit ourselves to that drain us physically and emotionally, this commitment offers strength and REST!  Jesus said, Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-burdened, and I will give you rest."  He goes on to tell us to learn of Him, as we yoke ourselves to Him.


Regardless of  where you find yourself lacking, you must make a plan to move toward your goal. Don't just  WISH things would be different in 2013, PLAN for things to change! You can do this!

 

 

To "-er" is Human in 2011

So, here we are-anticipating the arrival of spring, just as we were all anticipating the arrival of the new year just a few months ago...you remember-when we each were vowing to make major life-changes and drop old habits by the simple declaration of a resolution.

Well, not everyone made resolutions because there are many conflicting ideas as to whether are not they are beneficial. I've pondered the remarks from those who are either too "cool" to resolve to do anything differently,or those who don't believe in setting oneself up to fail, against those who believe anything is possible if it begins with a goal.

I have resolved to do many things and failed and I've set no goals and succeeded (in the fulfillment of nothing) and really,I ask you- which is worse?

So this year, I compromised. In my human-ness, I decided to "-er".

Here was my plan:

I did not resolve to become a healthy eater and fitness nut because I knew by day two, sometimes as early as day one, I would cheat, fall short, fail or give up ...but I did resolve to become healthi-ER than I have been in the past ...THAT was possible-foreseeable-doable- attainable.

I may not be able to have a perfect temperament in every situation, but I resolved to be kind-ER and gentl-ER, in 2011.

I knew that most likely I wouldn't sign up for some extra college courses this year, but I look forward to becoming smart-ER about the things I know little of including things that don't necessarily hold my interest presently.

I might not make the best decisions in each situation, but in 2011, I resolved to be wis-ER about the choices I make regarding my time, my energy, my money and my actions.

I am a goal setter, but I prefer setting realistic goals that build upon each other in order to place myself in full view of the prize. And it is obvious that those goals must begin with a plan as well as a concentrated effort on my part. So, I resolved to become bett-ER about planning and following through with my good intentions.

And how is that going, you ask? Well, a less-ER woman would get defensive when that question is asked, but I will say, I am a bett-ER woman for even making the attempt to move forward when it would be much easier just to sit back, relax and stay just the same.

So, as I enter this new spring season, full of hope and wonder, I lift my fruit smoothie to the sky and offer a toast: "Here's to the rest of 2011- may it be filled with "-ers" that will make your former human self green with envy!"

A Little Child Shall lead Them (a repost)

This was one of my very first posts from a few ago when I began blogging. It's also one of my first articles to be published in a regional magazine. It has always been one of my favorite "life lessons" that I learned from my children.

Many years ago during the early years of our marriage, my husband and I were preparing for yet another Christmas holiday, putting together our gift list and planning to give to a very worthy cause.

My brother had told us of a church nearby that had parked a semi-truck in their parking lot and were going to fill it with furniture, gifts, toys and clothes and drive it to a community in Mexico to be distributed to the needy villagers there.

We were struggling financially, so there were no new items to purchase, however, we had plenty of extra clothes and toys we could donate.

I went through my closet and pulled out a large pile of clothes that we no longer wanted or needed, picked out a few other items from around the house, then went to talk to my 4-year-old son about going through his toy box to give from his abundant collection of unwanted toys.

I explained to him that his toys would be going to children who may have never had their own toys and many had no parents or family to help meet their needs. We discussed how very sad their life was in comparison to ours, and although we didn't have much money, we would be considered rich in their eyes. I told him how any toys that he decided to give away would help put a smile on the face of a needy child many miles away.

I left him alone in his room so he could sort through his toys so he could choose the toys he didn't want to play with anymore. A few moments later, he emerged from his room with two contributions; a fuzzy lamb backpack full of books and a pair of "Pound Puppy" house shoes.

He handed them to me and said, " Here Mommy. Give these to those kids to make them happy."

When I saw his gift choices, I thought he had misunderstood what was going to happen to his gifts.

"Now, you won't be seeing these again, they will stay in Mexico with the kids", I said, certain that he must have been too young to understand this concept.

"I know. I don't think they have puppy shoes and lamb backpacks in Mexico", he explained.

In that moment, my entire perspective on giving to the needy changed.

Let me explain the significance of his gifts.

Each morning when he awoke, he would fill this lamb backpack, (his favorite) with books for me to read to him each day. If we finished reading those books, he would refill it. He would walk around the house wearing this backpack and would take one out and ask me to read one aloud to him. He loved the backpack, and so enjoyed the many books we would read together.

The "Pound Puppy" shoes basically never came off his feet unless we were going out of the house. He would even sleep in them! They were just white slippers with puppy heads on them but he was so attached to these little shoes.

I looked at the two gifts he had chosen to give, then I glanced at the LARGE pile of "gifts" I had chosen to give.

Mine were clothes that were out of style, didn't fit , or things I just didn't care to keep. His were the two most cherished items from his collection of treasures.

I was immediately humbled.

A four-year-old child was giving the very best he had to someone he didn't even know because he wanted to make them smile. He was HAPPY to give his most cherished possessions if it meant making life better for someone else.

I went back to my closet, picked out my best Sunday dress, with the matching shoes and purse and laid them on the top of my pile as I asked forgiveness for my very selfish "generosity".

I really had not given anything. I was getting rid of things I didn't want to help make space for the new and improved items that would soon take their place.

My four-year-old child led the way to inspire my giving from a heart of love and true compassion.

As we make our plans to give again during this season, ask yourself a couple of questions?

What can I give that would put a smile on some one's face?
How can I help lighten some one's load?
Am I truly giving from a heart touched by compassion or am I just giving my "sloppy seconds"?

Will you allow a child lead you?

How I became a Grandmother (in two words...well, several two-word lines)

son-Army

Mom-tears

leaves-bootcamp

letters-lots

heart-aches

all-wait

10-weeks

finally-ends

holiday-break

son-loves

time-flies

son-engaged

thumbs-up

son-moves

far-away

time-drags

married-yes!

love-abounds

couple-plans

child-wanted

couple-waits

little while 

months-later

phone-news

"GRANDMA!"-wow!

tears-fall

heart-swells

knees-weak

shopping-NOW!

Male?Female?

all-wait

call-"GIRL!"

all-cheers!

Shopping-FUN!

dreaming-starts

Army-done!

discharge-honorable

Move-HOME!

Family-THRILLED!

months-nine

time-drags

belly-grows

back-aches

excitement-builds

couple-sweet

time-flies

Momma-ready

call-"NOW!"

Nonna-nervous

drives-fast

labor-slow

all-wait

time-finally

push-hard!

baby-born!

cord-cut

all-cry

eyes-cry

heart-swells

knees- weak

excitement-builds

baby-perfect

Nonna-proud

baby home

all-well

Nonna-helps

Nonna-kisses

Nonna-holds

Nonna-melts

love-much!

Smile-permanent

Paw-paw-Smitten

Baby-Lia

God's gift

Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen....and Survived!

US Olympic gymnast, Gabby Douglas fell during her beam routine last night. Not only she did not receive the coveted Gold Medal spot (as she has enjoyed recently), she didn't earn any medal in this category.

Only days before, she finished  first in the all-around competition (the most-coveted achievement by Olympic gymnasts), as she led her US teammates to capture the gold medal.


 After her fall, she quickly hopped back on the narrow beam (which I'm sure  suddenly seemed more narrow than usual) and finished her routine and cheered  on her teammate  who was awarded the bronze medal.

Such is life.  One day we're on top, the next day we may stumble and someone quickly takes our place in the spotlight.  In no way does this prove we weren't good enough or  well-prepared, it simply means that we are human- and "perfection" or success in any area is the goal, not always the reality.


 Do you see the muscles in her thighs? Those muscles didn't come from quitting when she fell...that strong definition of muscle tone came from the countless hours and many times she  hopped back on the beam  and continued her discipline regardless if she landed on top or on the floor.

 Here's to all of us in our attempt to succeed in our lives- falling on the floor doesn't mean it's over, it means we now have a different view--perspective from the floor is also very valuable.

Learn the lessons from the floor and the beam routine will become stellar!

To Tattoo or Not Tattoo, that is the question....

I'm reposting this account of my reaction of my son's tattoo. Yes, I'm ashamed of how I reacted. Maybe when you read this- you'll see what a poor choice I made handling this situation  and will avoid the same behavior should something similar happen to you.

I'm a survivor. I survived the parenting of three teen-aged sons!

I have battle wounds, lifelong scars and some great stories to pass down to my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

My sons are three very unique personalities so "something new" was always coming up or going down in the Murphy house.

Some of my parenting skills were adopted by others who thought I was doing a great job rearing three boys (blind leading the blind) but as you will see, my most shining moments as a parent, were usually preceeded by a blundering attempt controlled by knee-jerk reactions. (Now I know where the word JERK originated)

There were times, though, I would feel very passionate about an issue and there was no moving this Momma! Some of those things I don't regret, but other things I did not handle properly at all, and later, I would find the need to apologize to my sons. Sometimes the apology would come immediately, other times it has come years after the fact when it just dawned on me that I hurt them.

I am happy to report that my sons are very merciful!

One particular incident that I handled all wrong was the tattoo debate.Once the boys hit about 13-years-old, they would start asking, "In a few years can I get a tattoo?"

"No." I would reply ,very matter-of-factly. End of discussion.
The issue would arise again and again. In fact, some foreshadowing took place when #2 was in the 6th grade. He wrote an essay on what he wanted to be when he grew up.

"I want to be an architect," he declared.

I was so proud. He was already a great artist and had such an eye for detail. I knew architects were paid well so he wouldn't have to struggle financially like his father and and did for so many years. I began instantly dreaming of the pride that would come by being able to say, "My son is an ARCHITECT."

Have you ever heard the scripture, "Pride comes before a fall"?

Well, it was like I fell out of a 10-story building and landed belly down on some pointed sharp object when I read the rest of the sentence in his essay...

"Or own a tattoo parlor."

A TATTOO PARLOR?

What the...?

Whose kid in the 6th grade wants to be an architect by day and work in his tattoo parlor at night?

Did I mention my kids were weird? No member of our family has ever been like the majority around us. Yep. We're all weird.

I let that one go, thinking he was just speaking nonsense, although he did get put in time out once for drawing tattoos on kids in the classroom that very same year.
I guess I was in denial or something.

Anyway, when the boys would start asking about getting a tattoo, I would always say ,"Sure. So long as your very first is a picture of me and it says "I love my MOMMY on it!" That would usually end the discussion for the day.

I would find sketches he had drawn of possible tattoos laying around the house.
(More foreshadowing). I would then sketch my "I love my MOMMY!" design and leave it with his artwork.

When he was a senior, many of his friends had already had a tattoo, and his begging was driving me up the wall! (and you all KNOW what a great driver I am!)

I would explain for the 57,987,210th time, my many reasons he should NOT go ahead with such a silly idea.

1. I know him.

He changes his mind every time he blinks, and although he thinks it sounds like a great idea right now, he'll change his mind later and be stuck. (Did I mention that his mind had actually "stuck" with this desire for 6 years?!)

2. He could catch Hepatitis, Aids, or a bad infection from a dirty needle used by the heroin addicted tattoo artist.

Yeah, I've seen some of the parlors around here.

3. He may not land the perfect job as an architect when they either saw his tattoo or asked him if had had any during the job interview.

( I know this would be an illegal question to be asked in an interview, but he was only 17. He had no idea).
I know that was not a great parenting skill demonstrated right there, but Hey, do as I say, not as I do--Or did.

4. He has a beautiful back and that would just "mess it up"!

5. You shouldn't mess with what God gave you.

It's just not right.
(Did I mention that I have double pierced ears and get my hair colored and highlighted every month? Yeah, well that's WAY different.)


Anyway, the debate continued for what seemed like an eternity. But I always felt that at the end of our one-sided "discussion", he would agree- it was not a good idea after all.

On  a cold, blistery day in  January, the day after his 18th birthday during his senior year, I went to awaken him for school. There he lay, on his belly, muscular arms wrapped around a pillow, his beautiful back all cut and...what is that? His beautiful back had GRAFFITI on it!

"Oh #2, HOW COULD YOU!" I asked. Okay, I asked loudly. Okay, I YELLED at the top of my lungs! (I'm not proud of my reaction, but I'm trying to be transparent here.)
My reaction even surprised me. We then had a big yelling match, right before school.
I was going over all the reasons he shouldn't have, he was telling me all the reasons why I was crazy! Then he left for school, with a slam of the door and a screech of his tires.

Alone with my thoughts, I realized that my biggest issue was I felt he had defied me. That my reason and logic and parental influence was no longer a powerful factor in my son's life as it had been when he was younger.

Those are actually valid reasons to be upset, however, never valid reasons to react like a crazed woman! I was hurt. I was angry.

I called my sister and started ranting, "You will NOT believe what #2 did!". I went on and on, now giving her the reasons why he should not have done this.

She allowed me to rant for a bit, then she answered me. Her answer was very sobering (not that I was drunk or anything. (although at that moment, had booze been in the house...).

She calmly said, "Sher, I'd give anything to see Sean lying in his bed with a tattoo on HIS back."

Her son had been killed in a Jeep accident when he was 16.

That was a defining moment in my life. The day that these insignificant differences that I had made HUGE deals about just all fell into perspective.

I could not wait till he returned from school so I could kiss his beautiful back, tell him I was sorry for my reaction and let him know how much I love him.

As soon as he entered the door, I rushed to him to apologize, kiss and love him. We both just cried, holding each other. Lucky for me he has a heart of gold and is very merciful.

He then said , "Mom, did you even see it?"

"No." (my eyes were more blurred than normal with rage!)

He proudly lifted his shirt and explained the tattoo's significance.

It was a four leaf clover ( proudly representing his Irish heritage). Boxing gloves were inside the clover. One with his late Grandpa's name on it, "Chick" who was a golden glove boxer in the army who he never got to meet. The other glove had Sean's name on it. Sean had just started boxing a few months before his death.

I cried some more.

I was so ashamed of my reaction, especially when this meant so much to him and the meaningful symbols he chose just made what had offended me earlier, become something very beautiful in my eyes.

This was the beginning of my trying to find out the back story when people act in ways in which I don't approve . To dismiss a person entirely, due to an outward sign, or behavior is missing out on the VALUE of that person.
I know of people who have quit speaking to their children because they have done things that have "disrespected the family" or church. I'm sorry, but my children are MY CHILDREN who will always receive my love and guidance. I don't have to agree with their choices, but I am required to love them. (And not flip out when I disagree with choices they have made that do not please me.)

I'm counting on the same from God. Regardless of how bad I mess things up, I still feel His love, and I can take these things before Him for forgiveness, cleansing and guidance. Always. And forever.

Now my son has another tattoo. You can see it in the above photo. It is a scripture within a cross that has special meaning to him.

I kiss it when I see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was originally written three years ago. Son #2 is getting ready to be a father in a few months. As you can see by the photo below, he now has MANY tattoos--all very meaningful to him--the "sleeves" are actually illustrated bible stories (that he designed) that hold particular meaning to him. He recently purchased his own tattoo gun and has begun tattooing others on the side. No tattoo "parlor", just fulfilling his dream.  His lovely wife Sol has a brother who is an Architect. :)

Murphy Marriage: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

*I wrote this last year- in response to the questions I would receive  when people learned we've been married so long after marrying so young. Rarely does a couple who marry when the bride was still 17 (yes, I had graduated high school, but hadn't turned 18 yet- my parents had to sign for me) and the groom was only 21. I don't think a betting man would have put much money on this marriage (as many others didn't) but what do they know?  Now I actually speak o the topic of marriage, sharing from my own good, bad and ugly attempts at wedded bliss. I think it's important to share not only what works, but what doesn't! And I've actually learned more from what doesn't!  The only thing that has changed since writing this last year is the date, so it has been updated.

Today, Big AL and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary! Yes, we started young, and began adding to our family just two years after that, then every three years we added another son until, by the age of 27, I already had three sons!

Looking back, although we had many struggles, I have no regrets of marrying so young.

There are many things I wish I could do over, though, if given the chance, but we all know that is impossible, so I can only choose to do the next best thing, which is learn from my mistakes and try not to continually repeat them...on purpose, anyway. ;)

I think we have a very healthymarriage--not always an easy one- and yes, there were times over the last three decades that it would have been very easy to say, "I'm done, here." But a feisty Italian girl and a mild-mannered yet stubborn Irishman have always realized that we had much more going for us than anything that could ever destroy us--and we fought for what was rightfully ours--a good relationship!

Don't think we are just "lucky". Nothing could be further from the truth! NO relationships (whether it involves spouses, friends or business partners) ever lasts 3 decades without some major work on both sides. Healthy marriages don't just happen- they happen on purpose. And yes, it takes two.


Our strong points include that we are still physically attracted to each other (and no, that's not shallow. It's important.) We try to keep the attention of each other, and that is done ON PURPOSE. There are all sorts of ways to keep the interest even after 3 decades...see photo below. ;)


Yep! I think we were off to a good start!

Gotta fan those flames!



*This photo was taken on Valentine's Day a couple of years ago. I made a Chinese dinner for the two of us, complete with music, Asian table setting and I wore a kimono.

Let's just say... the evening was a success.

This sure beats hamburger helper served in a tattered tee and sweatpants, dontcha' think? It's those "intentional" moments that are appreciated.


More importantly, we respect each other. We are VERY different personality types, which can open us up to lots of friction at times.I think he's too quiet, he thinks I should be quieter.(Like that's ever gonna happen!)

Guess what? It ain't gonna happen! THIS is the way we were created and also is one of the things about the other that attracted us. Although it's still frustrating at times, we can see the perfect balance of our opposite personalities. God knew what He was doing when we brought us together. We need the balance. It's actually a wonderful survival tool.

The older we get, it is much easier to overlook things that really are of no consequence.Does it REALLY matter that he leaves the toilet seat up in the middle of the night? Well, yes it does if mine is the rear that hits the cold water , however, that can be easily remedied with a simple prank that doesn't require a nagging comment from me. Nagging is much easier, but usually doesn't change much. We intentionally, look for ways to laugh at things that could otherwise make us really angry.

We learned the importance of arguing without hateful comments. (It CAN be done!) And we've both learned to hold our tongue when a tongue-lashing would only cause more pain and or scarring. (Big AL is much better at this than I am!)We argue much less than we did when we were younger. And when we do, the duration is short. And no, I'm not a 100% tongue-holder- still working on that one. But I can call myself an 80% tongue-holder. (95% on a good day.)Not bad for a peri-menopausal woman!

We also enjoy making each other happy.NO "looking out for number one" here. I serve him, he serves me. SO much more rewarding than hoarding for ourselves.

We've learned to VALUE each other.

If you believe that each person on this planet was created in the image of God (even if they are now unrecognizable from the initial created intent), it is much easier to see their value as a one-of-a-kind creation. Anything we value, we take care of-protect-give a special place-esteem highly. There were times when I didn't see his value- his worth- especially if I thought he was wrong! The more I dwell on his worth, the easier it is to take good care of him. I WANT to serve him. I want to be gentle with him. I want to protect him. He is not replaceable. I don't want to lose him, or damage him. And yes, I believe I have the power to do both.

We take vows seriously.


We vowed to love, honor, cherish each other, forsaking all others... till DEATH do us part! Why would we bother saying that if we didn't intend to keep those vows? And when and if our feelings change, do the vows then become void?

If I sign my name on a home mortgage because this house was "everything I always wanted!" and then later, I find that I need a bigger one, a better one, one with more features I deserve, can I just stop making the mortgage payments and walk away?
Well, I CAN, but I will pay a big price...for many years to come.

I am bound to an oath I signed. A promise I made to be faithful in fulfilling my oath. Our feelings wane from day to day. One day, I feel the love so strongly I could burst! But there have also been days in the past I thought to myself, "What was I thinkin'?

The commitment to the vows we made, "For better or worse", can sometimes be the very glue that keeps us where we belong. I want to be a woman of my word. Not a woman who is blown around by every wind. I am proud to be called a faithful wife.My husband has no worries- he knows I can be trusted.

THE BAD: There were times when the boys were growing up and Big AL worked long hours and was exhausted when he was home, and I resented him for that. I felt as if we were cheated on quality time spent with him. I felt that too much pressure was on me as the disciplinarian as well as the many other roles I didn't want to fill. My resentment caused me to be miserable at times. And you've heard the old saying...
"If Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!" Well, I'm
ashamed to say that was probably true more often than I'd like to admit.

Only later in our marriage did I learned to live by the philosophy, "It is, what it is." Deal with it.


If you never take away another tip from an old married lady, put this one in your pocket. RESENTMENT IS UGLY!strong> It looks good on no one! It is a detriment not only to relationships, but to souls as well. It is a cancer that will devour any living thriving cells in its path. It is the beginning of the end. It leads you down a path going no where. Well, actually, all paths lead somewhere- resentment leads to a path of all things bitter. WHO in their right mind wants a life full of bitterness?

When I decided to forgive and let go of disappointments and unfulfilled expectations,
I finally was able to enjoy my marriage fully- maturely, as it was intended for me to enjoy it.

I can honestly say that I LOVE my husband-with everything in me! We have a physical bond as well as an emotional and spiritual one. We share a love for our Creator and Savior and that has always brought us even closer. The Bible says that a "three-strand cord is not easily broken." So we work on building those "cords". We are bound together in body, spirit and souls. Rather than shredding the cord by picking apart everything about him that drives me crazy, I want to continue to strengthen that cord- In every possible, conceivable way.

Ours is not a perfect marriage, but a loving one. It is strong-s even stronger as the years go by.I feel very blessed to have the relationship I have with my Big AL. God knew exactly what I needed. He is a good balance for this otherwise "off-balanced" lady.

And yes, 3 decades later, I get butterflies when I see him. I do still think he HAWT!I choose to be with him over others. I want to grow old with this same man I have grown up with.

To you, Big AL--may we enjoy many more loving years together as we continue to strengthen that cord. That cord becomes a lasso, luring the other even closer.

Happy Anniversary! My love. My life. My better half. My soul's desire.

To My Father

I wrote a poem to my Father to try to articulate just how powerful the example he set for me was in regards to the relationship I now have with my Heavenly Father. I've shared it before, but am sharing it again in hopes that a Father will read it and be inspired to be such an example.



My relationship with God the Father was strengthened by the example you set.

I know Him as my provider, as you have never failed to meet any need that was within your power to grant.

I know Him to be forgiving as you chose to look beyond my faults and give me another chance...and another one...and another.

I know Him to be all powerful as you have shown me how even you will move heaven and earth to fix any problem that would cause me harm.

I know of His wisdom, because you have enlightened me through His written word so I could understand what is best for me.

I know of Him to be patient as you have tried to teach me the same things over and over, sometimes years of trying until I finally "got it"!

I know of His compassion as I watched you reach out to the lowest of the low,and to those who were down and out and "undeserving".

I know of His joy as you have passed along your wonderful sense of humor to me.

I know Him as my protector as I have always felt safe knowing that you are around and that NOTHING will ever come between the two of us.

I know of His Peace because you have always been a refuge for me when I'm in need- I can always run and hide in your strong arms.

I feel the love of God in ways many will never know, not only because you have continually pointed me toward Him, but by your example as a Father. I know Him as One who takes pride in His creation and enjoys my company. I can feel His delight in me, and I know I am a treasure. Not because of who I am, but because of whose I am.

I am a unique creation of the Most High God. Valued highly and I am not replaceable.

Thank you, Dad, for giving me this priceless gift.

Happy Father's Day.

I love you.

Eat, Drink and Be Merry? Well...in moderation.

Have you ever given much consideration to the subject of Gluttony?

Well, other than the uncomfortable moments after a heavy holiday meal when you vow to never eat again...until a few hours later when the bloat goes down, and those memories of sugar plums dancing in your head get the best of ya, as you indulge AGAIN!



I've thought about it from time to time--always after I've eaten too much and feel horrible--physically and emotionally- the guilt that follows  after over-indulging is just as uncomfortable as the waist in my jeans after a  Thanksgiving feast!



I've laughed about it--joked about it-- justified it--tried to stop doing it-failed miserably and then just ignored the fact that sometimes, I am given to gluttony. On a bad day, it may be many times throughout my day.



"If a handful of peanut M&Ms taste good, then the whole bag would be wonderful!"
"If a small piece of cake after my meal is good, then a large piece would be AWESOME!!"



That mentality has not only caused my tiny natural size 4 figure to "blossom a bit " over the years,but it has also left me with a feeling of disappointment. I'm disappointed that a woman of my age, with a pretty strong will who is able to say NO to many things that I know would not benefit me, has been failing at overcoming the urge to splurge when it comes to food.

The following is a part of  a Bible study on Gluttony I recently held in m home. ANd before you say ths would be a deinite case of the blind leading the blind...as I told the girls in my group, blind people can't see the path-- I now can see. My eyes have been opened. What I choose to do with this vision before me, has yet to be determined. I've not mastered it--but I will overcome! And you all will get to be the witnesses of the MIGHTY power of God! Because "His strength is made perfect in my weakness." and I will be the first to admit, this an area of weakness for me.


The definition of a GLUTTON is "one who is given habitually to greedy and an insatiable appetite for eating and drinking."



It is sheer defiance of reasonable, balanced behavior. Gluttony is the EXCESS consumption of food/drink. Taking in much more than we need.



Synonyms for gluttony : To cram, stuff or guzzle.

(nice visual there)



Now, there are three things to remember here, before I go any further:



1. Gluttons can be skinny people.

2. All who are overweight are not necessarily gluttons.

3. According to the scritpure, GLUTTONY is sin.

*And for the sake of time and space of this study, we will be handling to gluttony/food portion of this topic.



Gluttony is not just "unpleasant", it is sinful behavior, that will lead us down a road to destruction.
Let's take a look at some of the scripture references on gluttony:



Proverbs 23:20-21:

"Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunken and glutton will come to poverty and slumber will clothe them with rags."



Phillipians3:19

"Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things."

*That part about their god being their belly--makes me think of America...nd one red-haired woman in particular.


Proverbs 23:2

"And put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."

* I should be a dead woman.



Psalm 78:18

"They tested God in their heart by demanding the food they craved."



There are more, but this is just for starters.



I think we can tell by just a few of these scriptures, it is much more serious than most of us believe. It is sinful.



We have taken something God has provided for us a means to sustain and strengthen our bodies, and made it something different entirely, by consuming it in massive amounts-- sometimes, many times throughout the day.



"The stomach was not made for food, but food was made for the stomach."



God, in His goodness, created food for us to not only to eat to sustain us, but He went a step further and made it tasty so we could also enjoy it--in moderation. (He's good that way)



But I notice that especially here in America, our huge portions have become acceptable and average, so often we are tricked into believing we are fine. Normally, we don't give the subject of gluttony a second thought until our own vanity steps up and screams NO MORE when we catch a glimpse of buldges, flab, or fat we're not accustomed to seeing in the mirror.



Or possibly, we feel the need to cut back when a doctor tells us we need to lose weight due to heart problems, high blood pressure or diabetes or other physical illnesses, which have been linked to overeating, and especially those linked to overeating the foods that aren't healthy for our bodies.



But gluttony is not wrong only when it shows, it's wrong before the effects are measurable, like every other sin we deal with.



Therein lies the problem. Like other sins, we feel we can get away with committing them for awhile before any ill effects are evident- which is precisely why our Creator, in His wisdom, gave us guidelines-- because He knows that eventually, without moderation and self-control, our paths will end up going down a slippery slope to the road to destruction.



We shouldn't wait to see the effects of our actions before we obey His words. His guidelines are always for our BENEFIT--not to take away pleasure--but to do just the opposite, actually. It is so while we are here in these earthly bodies, we may experience MORE pleasure.



In a 12-step program that we are all familiar with, they always say "the first step is to admit you have a problem." And I agree. However, much like alcoholics and/or drug addicts, we can't just STOP AT STEP ONE! Admitting we are gluttons, or alcoholics/addicts, etc., gets us no closer to freedom than the day we never uttered the phrase.



We must not only admit we have a problem, but begin TREATING IT!



We must treat this excessive behavior as we do other sins we struggle with.



1. Confess (call it what is is. Don't call it "over eating"-- call it gluttony, and admit you are guilty of it.)



2. Ask for forgiveness. Like any other sin we bring before the Lord, when we ask forgiveness, sincerely, He is "faithful and just to forgive our sins and heal us of all unrighteousness."



3. Ask for His Spirit to help you OVERCOME! A fruit of the Spirit is self- control. So, you think you don't have enough self-control to overcome? Not a problem. That's where bowing to HIS spirit comes in. DYING to our flesh and allow His spirit to rule and reign in our mortal bodies is the key.



4. Stop making provisions for your flesh. (Don't have snacks lying around the house. "Just in case. " Plan in advance how you can overcome. "I will eat when I'm hungry-till I'm full- not miserable. I will not snack unless I need strength between meals.)



5. When you feel the urge to splurge (on another piece of cake- or seconds of a great-tasting food, or eating when you're not hungry) PRAY! Read the scriptures! Declare the word of the Lord regarding this.



I love this thought my sister-in-law Judy shared at the bible study: Drop the word "try" from your vocabulary. It really is a wimpy word. "I'll TRY to do better." I'm gonna TRY to get this under control." --It's like we our giving ourself an out because we expect ourself to fail. (I think that is so true!)



Instead, declare HIS words of victory. " I WILL get a handle on this and I WILL demonstrate self-control because "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!" ~Phillipians 4:13





(Part II soon to follow)

The Messenger

*This post was written a couple of years ago. I decided to share it again for two reasons. I love reading about a stressful time in my life that ended up turning out well- a great reinforcer that builds my faith- and also, hopefully, it will give encouragement to those who are in the middle of a stressful situation presently. As my Momma says, (and Jesus said it before her ) "...And this too, shall pass."

For the last few months, we have been experiencing financial problems. Probably not unlike the rest of Americans, and I'm certain we are better off than many throughout the world, but it has been a very difficult time for us. Beginning with a series of unfortunate events; the economy's effect on car sales (Big AL's income), and my job ending at the car lot,and Big Al's Motorcycle wreck that introduced more bills and a loss of work for a short time. Because I am not the one who handles our bills, it is much easier for me to bury my head in the sand and choose to remain oblivious about our situation....not as easy for my husband, on whom the financial burden lies.

It was getting really scary here lately and although I was beginning to fear what would be around the corner for us, God sent a messenger to us. Not to bring us money,or to help us meet any physical need we have, but to speak to our souls- calm our fears, and let us know that He is looking out for us and He will provide for our needs.

I hesitated to share this story here-but I think I need to.



The Messenger

I was home, beginning to worry a bit about Big Al, because he was about an hour late for supper. I had carefully planned a meal around the staples we had in the cabinets, trying to stretch a dollar while creating something warm and appetizing on a cold, rainy fall evening. The spaghetti dinner was still warming on the stove, when my neighbor arrived to show me a new outfit she had purchased to wear to a special occasion.

We talked about her recent weight loss and her daughter's Senior Night at the volleyball game and shared some laughs, but all the while, I was still wondering where my husband was and why he had not called me to tell me he would be late.

My front door flew open, and entering was one of my sons. He was looking for a bag of clothes I had washed for him (I know, I know- I still help them out when I can).
I yelled to him from the other room that I had already sent them home with his brother. (They both live about 1 block away.)

In the next moment, Big AL came in and non-chalantly says, "I need some clothes...we have a homeless guy out here and he's soaking wet."

My neighbor and I exchanged wide eyed glances as Big AL goes upstairs, grabs some clothes, hands them to my son , who leaves with the homeless man.

Now, just to insert here, I live in a very small community and homelessness is not common here. But there was also a double homicide committed in my hometown only days before, and the suspects were still at large, so I think I joined with others in my community feeling nervous to reach out to a stranger. especially one needing shelter. Now this stranger was leaving with my son.


After they left, Big AL sat down with a plate of spaghetti and explained:

"I was about ready to leave the car lot, and this guy comes up- in his twenties- soaking wet and looked scared to death. Says he's from California, been on a bus for three days (hasn't eaten in the same)and was supposed to meet a part of his family in Marion and he never found them. They live in West Frankfort, but he didn't meet up with them. He had their name but no address and the phone number was not a working number. He went to the Police Dept. and they said they do not give out addresses and could not help him. He walked from Marion to West Frankfort (about 15 miles) in the rain to try to find them, with no luck. He stopped to ask if our town has a homeless shelter (we do not) so he could spend the night and return tomorrow to Marion to meet up with his family.

Big AL said the young man looked scared to death , so he offered to get him some clean , dry clothes and he'd find him a place to stay. He said, "I just don't want anybody messing with me." Big AL assured him we were all harmless, but my son was a Cage Fighter- just to warn the guy- in case HE had bad intentions. He brought him to our home after stopping off at the local Dairy Queen to get him something to eat. He called my son who said he would give him some more clothes and he could spend the night with him, but he was on his way to a Bible Study, so the guy would have to come along.

The evening went off without incident, and the next day my son drove him around looking for the home the man couldn't find the day before. They had no luck so they went back to Marion to find more help there. My son left him in capable hands with people that could help him find his way to relatives.


Now, here's the part about THE MESSENGER and how God used this incident to calm our fears about things totally unrelated....or so we thought.

Hebrews 13:2 "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."

I've heard this scripture since I was a child. I have it memorized. But on this day, I saw a completely different meaning while I was studying the words.

Did you know that the word "Angels", in the original Greek translation used here, is the very same word used in other scriptures by many Christians when referring to themselves or other believers when God had sent them to deliver a message- as "Messengers of God." It was not necessarily referring to an angelic being, but someone who has been sent with a message from God.

With that in mind, I questioned, "What message then did this man have for us?"

Instantly, this thought came to my mind.

"If He would watch over a man all the way from California- and bring him directly to the doorstep of my husband (out of all the other businesses he could have chosen to stop for help)and meet his need for food, clothing and shelter and even meet his spiritual need, I can rest assured that He is making a way for us- when there seems to be no way."

Yes, this was a messenger- his message was a reminder for us to trust- trust the one who created us- to also meet our needs regardless of what means or who He uses or how He chooses to bless us.

We are blessed. With peace. Peace that is priceless.

Thank you God for your messenger. Bless him.



I found this song that so beautifully illustrates His provision for us.